Current:Home > MyDo narcissists feel heartbroken? It's complicated. What to know about narcissism, breakups. -Zenith Profit Hub
Do narcissists feel heartbroken? It's complicated. What to know about narcissism, breakups.
View
Date:2025-04-16 16:32:21
If you've been discarded by a narcissist, you likely know the pain and rumination that follows a sudden breakup.
But how do narcissists feel when relationships ends? Do they experience heartbreak?
It's a complicated question − and mental health experts say the answer hinges on several factors, including what type of narcissist they are, if there's another person they're interested in who's readily available and if they had a say in ending the relationship.
"Do they have a broken heart? I mean, it's not fair for me to say they don't," says Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist and author of "Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist." "They experience their broken heart though as very shameful, because it feels weak and vulnerable to them."
What does love mean to a narcissist?
Narcissists − in addition to their grandiosity and need for attention and validation − lack empathy. In other words, they care about themselves and not others.
It's a common myth, however, that narcissists don't have feelings.
"They actually do have feelings. They have very big feelings. They just have feelings for themselves and not for you," says Chelsey Cole, a psychotherapist and author of "If Only I'd Known: How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth."
Narcissists have a type.Are you a narcissist magnet? Here's how to tell.
Narcissists don't feel love in the same way non-narcissists do, explains Stephanie Sarkis, a psychotherapist and author of "Healing from Toxic Relationships: 10 Essential Steps to Recover from Gaslighting, Narcissism, and Emotional Abuse." They don't love their partner; they love the narcissistic supply, or the attention and validation, that person brings them.
Therefore, if a narcissist feels heartbreak, it's mainly about the loss of supply, rather than the loss of the person.
"They're sad to lose something that worked for them," Cole says. "If you lost your favorite purse or lost your favorite possession or something that meant a lot to you, you would be sad about losing that thing that was important, because of what it did for you or how it made you feel."
Is narcissism genetic?Narcissists are made, not born. How to keep your kid from becoming one.
Plus, telling a narcissist "no" − which essentially is what breaking up with them does − wounds their ego, resulting in what's called narcissistic injury. This serves as a stark reminder that their grandiose sense of self is merely an illusion.
"They work very hard to maintain this view of themselves, that they are the best, that they're the most attractive, that they're the smartest, that everyone would want to be with them," Cole says. "When you break up with them, you're essentially saying, 'Actually, that's not true, and you're not this grandiose person that you want to believe you are.' "
Are you dating a narcissist?Watch out for these red flags.
How the narcissist feels depends on how the relationship ended
When a narcissist's fragile ego gets hurt, all hell can break loose, and it's not uncommon for them to lash out by stalking or launching smear campaigns against their exes.
They also might try showering their exes with displays of affection in order to win them back, Durvasula says.
On the flip side, narcissists can also move on quite callously if they're the ones who initiated the breakup. Durvasula says narcissists discard partners once they grow bored of their supply and start craving a new source.
"It's often another person, or it's another opportunity, but whatever it is, it's shinier than that person they were with," Durvasula says.
More:What happens when a narcissist becomes a parent? They force their kids into these roles.
Cole says narcissists also initiate breakups when their partners become "too difficult to manipulate or control."
"A lot of times, if you get healthier, the narcissist will start getting more frustrated with you," she says. "The better you get at setting boundaries and knowing your truth and not engaging with them, the more frustrated they get."
Is your teenager narcissistic?Probably, but that’s OK. Here’s why.
Heartbroken over a narcissist? Keep this in mind:
Sarkis encourages people who have been discarded by narcissists to focus on themselves. This, she says, in an important step in healing your own heartbreak.
More:Narcissists often try to win back their exes with ‘hoovering;’ experts say it’s emotional blackmail.
"When you're in a narcissistic relationship, the narcissist makes the focus so much about them that when you leave the relationship − whether that's voluntary, involuntary − you're very focused on them," she says. "It's time to take that power back."
Plus, prioritizing your health and happiness also happens to be the best revenge.
"Narcissists don't like to see you happy," Cole says. "And so, the best way to really get revenge against the narcissist after a breakup is to be happy, is to fully invest in your life knowing that, yes, they are upset that you're happy, because you're showing them that you can be happy without them. You can survive without them."
Psychopaths are everywhere.Are you dating one? Watch out for these red flags.
veryGood! (9)
Related
- Arkansas State Police probe death of woman found after officer
- Missing Kansas cat found in Colorado and reunited with owners after 3 years
- China wins bronze in League of Legends but all eyes on South Korea in gold-medal match
- Trump drops bid to move Georgia election case to federal court
- Senate begins final push to expand Social Security benefits for millions of people
- Georgia Republicans suspend state senator who wants to impeach DA for indicting Trump
- Scotland to get U.K.'s first ever illegal drug consumption room in bid to tackle addiction
- Lizzo's lawyers ask judge to dismiss former dancers' lawsuit, deny harassment allegations
- Most popular books of the week: See what topped USA TODAY's bestselling books list
- Former Colorado fugitive sentenced to prison for spectacular Caesars Palace standoff in Vegas
Ranking
- Scoot flight from Singapore to Wuhan turns back after 'technical issue' detected
- Former Wisconsin Supreme Court justice refuses to disclose names of others looking at impeachment
- US quietly acknowledges Iran satellite successfully reached orbit as tensions remain high
- New Greek opposition leader says he will take a break from politics to do his military service
- Spooky or not? Some Choa Chu Kang residents say community garden resembles cemetery
- The Rolling Stones release new gospel-inspired song with Lady Gaga and Stevie Wonder: Listen
- The leader of Spain’s conservatives makes a 2nd bid to become prime minister
- Afghan embassy says it is stopping operations in Indian capital
Recommendation
Former Syrian official arrested in California who oversaw prison charged with torture
Black musician says he was falsely accused of trafficking his own children aboard American Airlines flight
Louisiana citrus farmers are seeing a mass influx of salt water that could threaten seedlings
Phillies star Bryce Harper tosses helmet in stands after being ejected by Angel Hernandez
Tree trimmer dead after getting caught in wood chipper at Florida town hall
Seattle cop who made callous remarks after Indian woman’s death has been administratively reassigned
Dolphins, Eagles or 49ers: Who will be last undefeated NFL team standing?
Do you know these 10 warning signs of diabetes? A doctor explains what to watch for.